✨Spirit Halloween⚧Femme✨ @ikea_femme@witches.town

#exodus #introduction #introductions I'm moving back to octodon. https://octodon.social/web/accounts/3229 Ikea_femme@octodon.social

Love ya all, witches.

The extent of my social life is rolling my eyes in unison with retail employees after they get jerk customers.

real talk: i still feel like reading philip k dick prepared me for being trans a billion times more than nevada

https://youtu.be/mFUhwf4cojs?list=PL1bR0NRxbBaArfnPbKsAela05pQEaOSet I wonder if they chose fonts that didn't exist yet to deliberately rile up the audience, to know what it is to be Patrick Bateman, getting mad at a business card that ultimately symbolizes his panic at his fragile masculinity.

Or maybe Duncan Sheik is not obsessed with font history vOv

Also, gosh dang it I'm okay with the doctor who man just fine, but gosh does he think new yorkers talk like bostonites and absolutely love our hard rs.

I want to find people to listen to me talking about how American Psycho the musical was so good and didn't deserve to get tentpoled by Hamilton, and that we need an american cast recording because some of the songs were retooled.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZj8MH3SrVI&list=PL1bR0NRxbBaArfnPbKsAela05pQEaOSet

but they never asked for my casual sex :-( https://witches.town/media/6WzONE6iHISnDBPW9vc

Guys, I think the eclipse might have awoken something in me, in that I didn't expect the sun getting blotted out to make me happy.

If it's a goth phase, that sucks because I can't afford a goth phase.

I started spiro when I was 27, but I think I just come from a family of people with hard features. German...

I know I don't need ffs, in that nobody technically needs anything. But, ugh.

The worst is I messaged my ex to talk about this so I settle down. Gross of me. All just because I saw a trans woman smaller than me, prettier than me, and willing to brag about her speaking voice on OkCupid. I just feel so gross and defective. I know I didn't even accept I was trans a year ago, but estradiol alone won't soften my face or shrink me much more or make my voice okay. Ugh.

I can't afford ffs, I probably wouldn't endure the recovery well, and with my luck my sinus cavities and brain would have something crack and I'd get a nasty infection. All on a crappy medical loan.

And I'll probably do this even though my cis friends tell me I'm not ugly. I hate that I want to pass, that it can't just be good enough for me to occasionally get clocked by people who don't care one way or another. Ugh.

I mean, to get gross, I feel like I get interested in maybe one type of female body (short and curvy, which is kind of rare with us 😞), and I'm curious about a bunch of different male body types. Way more men than women catch my eyes these days.

And I was never really trans attracted. Trans people sort of made me uncomfortable before I accepted I was trans, like I knew on some level they'd evoke difficult thoughts I buried.

And it kind of sucks on top of my bi/straight feelings growing. My ex said some questionable things when word got to her that I don't really consider myself a lesbian. Which is weird, she herself is bi, and her last boyfriend figured out he was gay while dating her.

I get that men are pigs and the male gaze sucks, but I get sparks more for guys than women of any experience.

It's weird that now that I'm in the city and actually meeting other trans femmes in person, I honestly don't feel there's automatically some connection. It's not that they're unlikable or mean, but more that I realize I don't have a lot in common with their experiences, even along being trans. So that's creating doubt, especially what with the whole "You're probably best off dating other trans women" advice I get a lot.

Lots of little glitches, the cursor always looks wrong, if there's an error message, sometimes the redraw gets fucked up.

Is there a decent way to run #vim on Windows? I really like Vim, and don't really need a full VM for what I'm doing, but it seems like the Windows terminal just is not fond of Vim.

I probably should either invest in a UV lamp, or just get them done at a shop, but I'm a tiny bit anxious about UV for some reason. I imagine so long as you aren't doing it every day it's fine, but I have a dingus mind that freaks out when it hears something MIGHT be carcinogenic.

I do love diet coke, tho.

I hate wanting to do some ruminating and self contempt about how I spent my day, and then whoops, I enriched myself with a run, visiting interesting places to get familiar with the city that will be my home for three months, got to see a forest in the middle of Brooklyn, and got kinda spooked, bought a cute blouse, pumped some really pretty ink in my favorite fountain pen, and had a server at a BBQ place yell my fucking deadname because I haven't updated my credit card and their terminal gets your name from your bank, and I took it all in fucking stride.

I mean, I did do my nails and fuck it up. But I really oughtn't put so much stock in such things.

I told a lady at a farmer's market I'd find an ATM and be right back to pick out a focaccia. There were no atms in network. So I decided to go home. She must hate me.

And here I am after 9 months hrt, reasonably sized boobs and butt, full time since January. Almost never getting sirred. And yet it's not that easy for so many of my siblings.

I feel guilty everything is going so smoothly for me when I wasn't one of those trans women who knew since they were kids. It's silly. I hate that I'm still playing the trans enough game. But if you asked me if I thought I was trans a year ago, I'd pause, and say, "maybe a tiny bit genderqueer deep down?"