✨Spirit Halloween⚧Femme✨ @ikea_femme@witches.town

UGH.

When I came out, my mom told me I shouldn't go on #HRT because she was convinced it'd give me strokes, just like her mother did during menopause. I explained to her, slowly, that I'm not 50, I don't smoke, and I will be taking estradiol, not premarin.

So, today, I go to find eye makeup remover in my mom's vanity (I forgot to pack it), and what do I find? Several prescription tubes of premarin. Fucking hypocrite 😡

https://witches.town/media/vhvw6WS-aYjMMQkxRpo

So I take my sweet midwestern aunt and uncle to the sculpture garden and think, "This is great, just family hanging out and it's not weird at all that I'm trans."

Then we run across this. Doesn't even have a plaque, in true SCP fashion.

I feel like there could be a cool "Frankenstein but Doctor Frankenstein is a trans woman grappling with infertility dysphoria" story or film, but I would never want the naive cis gaze to find such a project.

What's the state of the art on Mastodon clients? Do any synthesize multiple instance accounts into a handful of streams? I like Witches.town, but I also really liked Octodon and keep forgetting to go back. And now I want to MAYBE join Glitch.social and queer.party and cybre.space and and...

Why yes, I am using spite as fuel for the more tedious steps of legal transition.

Put my new name on my Gmail knowing I'm now outta the closet to anyone with my phone number or email.

Good. I'm sick of my mom acting like this is some dark secret. I've been full time for almost half a year, and I am not going back.

I wish I could trial separate from my fiancee and not have to live with my mom. She has so little patience for me, and talks in such a loud sharp tone with me that hurts like she's yelling, but if I tell her to stop yelling, she gets mad and tells me she's not yelling.

I wish, wish, wish my sensory stuff counted the same as my "more autistic" sister's sensory stuff.

Me today:
Oh man, I need to make dinner, go for a run, schedule with my dentist and optometrist, apply for a few jobs, and maybe find a pair of olive board shorts so I don't need to worry so much about tucking with that bikini top I like.

My brain:
PRIORITY ONE, gotta get them shorts and do a tactical analysis of what department store would have the best olive board shorts. Yep, gotta find them olive board shorts. Are there any neurons not worried about those shorts, for boardwalk walking, which are an olive-green color? I hope I have considered enough if I need olive green board shorts.

Also, a shit part of me is all "wanting love and recognition for mediocrity sounds like male ego."

That part is a terf

I hate how I'm so petty. My mom accidentally misgenders me all day, and talks about how great it is that my sister's handwriting and life skills are better with her new autism chiropractor guy. And my stupid brain just wants her to say I'm a capable person for wrapping up college and transitioning. I always think I'll be in my sister's shadow. And I hate the implications of that thought and realizing I'm female.

I just wish I could get that recognition. That I have struggles and I'm working through them. But flunking out of college the first time makes everything I do look like catch-up.

Statistics are so weird for #trans people. An article on Queerty said 12% of millennials are either trans or nonbinary, which sounds really high? I'm a college student and I've met a handful of trans men and two other trans women.

I wonder what percentage experience dysphoria, or want to medically transition. I'm​ not trying to be a truscum or trans medicalist or whatever, I just find it so confusing to hear that I'm anywhere from .3% to 12% of the population.

I feel guilty I get jealous of amab enbies who wear glamor makeup with a bunch of whiskers or beard.

Not for their look, but because they can do that and like how they look, while I feel gross with a mustache shadow and torture myself hiding it with concealer.

i still can't believe none of us have revealed our biggest deception

that the red pill was spironolactone 100mg this whole time

First day back on the market. And first day back at my mom's house. My trial separation is underway, and my relationship to my fiancee already feels totally different now that I'm not next to her. I fear there's a breakup in my future, but I never want to hurt her, even if our relationship is completely unsustainable unless she learns to be independent. I'm worried that will take more time than a few weeks separated.

I've never been the one breaking up in the past. And it sucks I still love her, but that love isn't enough to make it work.