✨Spirit Halloween⚧Femme✨ @ikea_femme@witches.town

Is it normal to still have erections and a mostly male sexual response at six months? And does liking using my dick for penetration (cause that else am I to do with this erection when that's all my partner likes) mean I'd regret grs?

Sore throat, minor headache, sore boobs. Wonder if this is generic "oh fuck I'm gonna be single" malaise or one of those trans pseudoperiods some gals get.

Trial septation starts this evening. Neither of us wants to call it a maybe breakup when it pretty much is. I guess if it's meant to be, we'll come back at some point.

I was hoping I'd finally have a human range of emotion, what with estrogen and being my true self. But I still can't cry. I'm a little more outgoing and affable, though. Just... not the emotionally attune woman who can let it out I wished I would be.

Here's the fun part where I wonder if that's a sexist assumption, or too much hoping I'll have similar results to other trans women.

I just hate feeling so stoic...

whelp, looks like tumblr gifsets don't translate to toots :-(

https://witches.town/media/57Rch9Irl_5nIW3IKjg

Slightly worried about applying to work at my old retail job again. Progressive company, but a lot of older male coworkers who met me before I transitioned. But I guess this is how bigotry dies. People see the person they've been taught to hate hypothetically, and decide if they really believe the person before them is a mentally ill threat to society.

I am doing a trial separation with my fiancee, partly because one of my lost experiences is being a single woman, partly because she's really emotionally dependent these days. She'll cough and worry she has cancer, or start crying and need to cuddled to fall asleep and settle down.

I hate how this feels so unsustainable, but that I also still feel so much love for her. I don't want her to assume I'm coming back, but I don't want to break her heart with a real breakup.

I'm the worst.

The lawnmower guys are here early, so I can't sleep. Worse, I don't have class, so all I have to think about is dumb life stuff, like, "Should I break up with my fiancee who I love but is clearly a different person than when I met her?" Or "will I ever truly be comfortable with myself or will I always be thinking 'what if I could afford surgeries?'"

At least finals gave me something urgent with clear solutions to worry about.

add to this worrying about my tuck over and over, which now has me thinking about bottom surgery and saving up. If you asked me two months ago, I'd say I'd only ever consider an orchi...

* i hope i get to the pool on time
* i hope the towel rental girl doesn't make fun of my beardy ID pic
* i hope those two gals in the locker room don't see me as a male intruder using medicine to destroy radical feminism when im really just a gal who wants to swim and not get her boobs made fun of by the bros in the men's locker
* i hope those gals next to me in the pool lane next to me don't think my form is comically bad
* i hope those gals in the lane next to me don't think im too fat for a bralette bikini
* repeat locker anxiety
* repeat towel id anxiety for return

I need to work on this.

I'm searching for a #vintage #photo I saw of a bunch of #trans women photographing one trans woman paparazzi style, who herself is pointing a camera back at them.

The photo's in color, but probably from the fifties to seventies I think. The context of the blog post was that it was from some Midwestern house that served as a retreat for trans women, with the point that trans women have always been around.

I'd really like to find it, but I can't quite Google it right!

It really makes me happy to see there are famous women with defined browlines. Like, I don't think I'll ever have the skull of a cis woman without surgery, but I don't believe I need surgery to think I'm attractive.

The problem is me wondering if I'd like what I see in the mirror more with surgery. But having just watched Alien, I think I'm okay :3

A cis gal on a facebook group's selfie thread said I look like Sigourney Weaver, and I'm going to waste all my mental energy trying to believe her now and forever.