✨Spirit Halloween⚧Femme✨ @ikea_femme@witches.town

My first computer was a powermac performa of some early 90s iteration. Dad had an apple 2, but it wasn't a family computer and too basic to appeal to me at the time. I was a dingus. A dang dingus

@iliana someone better at witchcraft verify if this pic works with this error message https://witches.town/media/03lRMzOjPh9rxuBiGuM

@iliana that's some real I ching tarot talk right there...

I've been to two doctors who say they won't prescribe progesterone. So... IDK if I should just make peace with it or not.

The extent of my social life is rolling my eyes in unison with retail employees after they get jerk customers.

I'm so sick of voicework and I only did several minutes. Throat hurts so bad. Remembering every thing my mother yelled at me about taking too loud or too much or too monotonously. I'm feeling broken on so many levels. I'm so angry at myself for wanting this, for wanting to pass, for every time I've passed and realized, damn, I'm happier this way. Ugh!

@lifning yep!

@Oneironott further, I too hate the idea there's one type of dysphoria. Or the stereotype we hate our bodies. I'm pretty neural on mine. I think there's cute and weird parts of it. And it's kept me alive and been with me to everything, so that's neat.

I'd say I have as much anger at my body as a diabetic person would. Just because the endocrinology has some problems doesn't mean I wish I could take someone else's body, like in Get Out. I might feel different if we lived in pre-hrt times, though!

@Oneironott so having a name and language for dysphoria means that while the pain is there, the expression and planning the resolution of the pain becomes more straightforward. I felt gross and unreal before I knew I was trans. And when I knew I was trans, the pain hurt more, but was in one compartment in my mind, and I better knew what to do about it.

@Oneironott I think part of it is that gender and dysphoria is mired in epistemology. So having language makes it easier to process and explain feelings. Sometimes, I wonder if you could describe gender as the language you use to explain your relationship to your body's assigned sex, your presentation, and sense of self. Rather than some kind of psychological construct that exists deep within us.

Trans people have complicated relationships with those things, so our language gets complicated. Cis people find it confusing because they don't need much language to explain their gender. I admit this is half baked.

Does this make you think of a computer pun? Trying to do something cute... https://witches.town/media/lGyF0hM7z2LwOaDAF1A

I get my date will get these screw ups, being trans herself, but damn...

Well, this sucks. I tried to paint my nails, spilled the crap in the air bnb sink and had to leave a note saying I'll buy more acetone to clean it tomorrow, since it's a bathroom shared with the host. All just to try to look cute for my date tomorrow, and if course my manicure is ruined from hectic cleaning. Ugh.

In a way, it makes it official that I'm not with my ex anymore. Even though she keeps asking for me to take her back. And she's always so eager to talk or share a joke, like old times. But it doesn't make me want her back. It makes me wish she could learn to be my friend, and purely my friend.

Also, first date as a women. First date with a trans woman. So those are completed feelings. I've only met two other trans women for conversational lengths of time (trans support group at college was near entirely trans men and enbies).