✨Spirit Halloween⚧Femme✨ @ikea_femme@witches.town

@garbados I mean, I guess dysphoric and eggy feelings are common feelings, they're just unusual because of their source.

@garbados I pretty much listened to Reinhold Mesner on repeat through my entire depression through recovery period. After I considered myself recovered (I got my associate's degree and had a bit of a life plan), I took my gender stuff seriously.

Narcolepsy, Army, Redneck Past, and Regrets always felt like knife between my ribs, but a knife I deserved.

also army is pretty much my entire stupid egg life

your redneck past
best imitation of myself
you wanna talk about something?

why does every ben folds song sound like a dysphoria anthem

I can't help but wonder if my voice was good, would I not have been asked out of the blue about trans issues from a colleague I'm not out to?

We were chatting in a group about terminology, and why the word neurotypical exists, and I said it was because if you divide the world into "autistic and not-autistic" or "autistic and normal," you're implying autistic people are by nature not normal and therefore odd. And he turned to me and said, "So I guess it's like cis in the trans community."

Like, I get he's gay, but that doesn't mean he gets to publicly clock me over lunch.

@alyx they both look adorable

I installed a sim card the wrong way in a cell phone and now its stuck and customer support is being slow and now I'm debating how long I'll wait for customer service to get back to me before I go nuts with a spudger and tweezers, possibly destroying the brand new phone.

I used to joke a lot about my depression and aimlessness. Now I'm transitioning, which gives me more feelings and direction. And my friend told me I no longer have that dark humor that made people like me, but instead just talk about transition all day. This is why I wish I could be stealth. It's such a crutch for me to just talk about transition.

me: I can't help but think of that bit on this innertube river floaty trip with the boys. But Richard O'Brien is transphobic and shock treatment is a much better film!
dark hoodie me: say the line anyway
me: https://youtu.be/lEYjZL7WWKc

@torus Yeah... I guess a lot of care goes into making stuff so you don't burn to death or lacerated if you're in an aviation incident.

So I might not be able to dress as Ripley from Alien after all on the cheap.

@torus TBH, I've been mostly looking at amazon and wish. I could try Goodwill, I guess, but I feel like it's something rather specific. Plus, Goodwill reminds me A LOT of early transition, which isn't necessarily bad feelings, but a decent load of feelings to process.

@kara_dreamer Yeah, same. Before I knew I was trans, I did wonder about abuse, but I had no threads to go on, and I never really felt like I had any of the aversions or PTSD symptoms I'd expect to have. I'm no expert on abuse, so please, don't be offended anybody reading this if I'm all wrong on it! I just had a null childhood.

God, even a cosplay where I'll probably be mistaken for an MTA worker is out of my budget. That sucks.

Or am I looking in the wrong places to buy coveralls or a flightsuit? I don't want to be fireproof. I just want to look like I got a job on the Nostromo and that I've had it up to here with my orange cat doin' jump scares.

It's like, do you remember every color of carpet or tile in every elevator you've been on? It's irrelevant and dull so you drop it. That's how my brain felt about my numb-ass late childhood through puberty years.

It kills me that I sat next to a precocious pre-teen discussing the ethics of polyamory with his mom and aunt at the noodle stand today. I don't usually get that worked up over my childhood (It was okay, I'd have been bullied whether I was out or not so I did what I needed to do at the time). But I realized, dang. I was not really there at that time in my life or really much of high school. I can barely remember anything from my childhood, and it's more just that my brain refused to acknowledge anything as worth remembering, not even "blocking stuff out."

First summer on HRT report: Nice not being as hot as usual. I think I run cooler as a gal. And my skin is peeling bad when I don't moisturize, even on days I don't go out/use sunscreen well. Kind of gross. But dang, it's soft now. Neat.

Someone sent me a lewd compliment on Sarahah that I feel I shouldn't have received on principle, but instead my insecure brain is all, "Some rando thinks I have pretty boobs! How validating!"