✨Spirit Halloween⚧Femme✨ @ikea_femme@witches.town

@lifning let's say yes

Compression scheme idea: compress a file by storing its hash and filesize. When you want the data, just brute force until you get the data.

My ex fiancee just texted me, discussing how she's taking positive steps and making good choices. I kind of want to get back with her. Where do I figure out if I'm crazy? Is there a "maybe these kooky kids will work out despite dysphoria and anxiety disorder" test?

Why do the guys with the best profiles post junk like this? Cw: genitals

@rey @jamuraa but yeah, my limbic system is a terrible communicator. It's the equivalent of that person who says "food" when you ask where to eat. So it took me forever to figure out my brain was into transitioning.

@rey @jamuraa yeah, reading that depersonalization is smaller in trans women who have vaginoplasty really gets me curious about it.

@jamuraa plus, I feel like every other trans woman has big feelings, and I'm just trying to find what will alleviate the dissociation and fog. I don't cry when I feel dysphoric, or have a bad day, or even if someone I love dies. I hate it, and transition is the only thing that's chipped at that numbness.

I don't think I'm as feminine looking as I'd like, and sometimes I wonder if facial feminization surgery would be a good idea, if only to feel more comfortable with my face in the mirror. I very rarely get sirred these days.

But the recovery discourages me from it, more than the cost or the idea I don't need it. I got a cold, and I am such a baby over a sore throat and sinus headache.

I especially hate that question, because A: If I had serious trauma, I'd not be so eager to share it. And B: I hear it as, "You must have suffered a lot to earn your womanhood. What!? You haven't?"

I think I'm mostly over this cold, but now I get to go back to work tomorrow after sleeping all day today. Trying to sleep tonight will be weird.

Also, I ran out of estrogen and I may well get nothing before Monday, so this will be a fun weekend, on top of that usual "feeling funny because I was sick" garbage.

I keep worrying I'm a completely uninteresting person were it not for my transition and stories around that. And even those are pretty mundane.

There's weirdly a thing where men who know I'm trans want to hear sordid details about harassment and discrimination, and I just say, "At first I got some stares, and a couple guys called me sir and started laughing, but then the hormones started working and I think people read me as trans less." They hope it's going to be fucked up and amazing what I go through, and I'm just a tall plain woman.

I'm thinking about asking my psychiatrist to start writing my HRT prescriptions, because my HRT doctor keeps playing phone tag when it's refill time instead of just getting me the pills.

Is that a bad request to ask of a professional who doesn't focus on trans healthcare?

I really wasn't expecting to be so sad to lose my femme voice, even though it's crappy. I guess you don't know how important something is until it's gone.

@jamuraa Thanks. I guess the biggest questions I have are "what feelings made you want it?" and "how did you feel about it once it was over and healed?"

I feel so inbetween on it, but I feel like anything that could make me feel at home in my body is worth it.

Is it normal to get stronger salt cravings while on spiro and fighting off some kind of summer cold?

Also, my femme voice is out of commission, so that sucks.

I'm also kind of concerned, because I'd like to get off spiro if I could, and I know some surgeons really hate to give you an orchi if you might want GCS. And not to get too gross, but I don't want to have to worry about the elasticity and dermatological health of an empty ball-sack a surgeon may use as vaginal skin...

By "barely not a virgin," I mean my last partner wasn't a fan of sex, tended to just want it every other month or so, and always missionary, with me on top. That was our six year relationship.

I'd say I'm a wlw bisexual, from what little experience I have.

Those of you who went for GCS, what thought processes or questions helped you move from "maybe" to "I should plan for this?"

Or was it something you obviously wanted?

I wanted it a good amount in middle school, and I feel jealous of trans women who have gotten it. But I'm curious if it'd be worth the money/good for me in practice. After all, everybody sees my voice and face, but only a few people see my genitals. And I'm barely not a virgin.

I'm sick of hearing "You have your whole life to figure this out," because I'm not rich. I can't just pull $20,000 out of my pocket and leave work for a month without serious planning.

Talk me out of begging my doctor to give me progesterone. He's not a fan, and I probably got too many life changes going on to add mood shifting meds.