✨Spirit Halloween⚧Femme✨ @ikea_femme@witches.town

Does anyone know any good trans IRC rooms? Like, ideally with a good amount of moderation to keep doxxers/creeps out. I'm realizing journaling and posting on Mastodon alone isn't enough to deal with my crap random feelings.

@kara_dreamer My ex fiancee was so vanilla, I honestly can't tell how I feel about my genitals during sex. She'd want sex every couple months and otherwise, in our six year relationship, we masturbated individually. When I'd talk about wanting sex more or maybe scheduling it like some folks do, she'd get mad and say I shouldn't expect our relationship to be about sex, and that enthusiastic consent means we both have to really want it. She was a hypochondriac and thought sex could lead to one of us getting hurt. So I'm sort of a virgin on some level :-/

@kara_dreamer I think I'd like it, but it's practicality Were it free and less dramatic in terms of recovery, I'd get it ASAP. But I worry I'd be risking my life and blowing all my money over something I might not like. I was actually kind of gung ho on it for a few weeks, until somebody mentioned losing a friend to botched GCS (it was a tumblr anon message to a friend so who knows the circumstances) and a TERF who sent a tumblr acquaintance a nasty message about how "neovaginas" are nothing like the real thing since they can't regulate their pH and need to be dilated. Ugh.

ALSO, most queer people say I have a perfectly fine face (I want to believe them), but cishet pals who are perhaps of a different mindset on surgery than trans people say shit that makes me feel worse.

IE: "Your grandma always told me I'd never be pretty, but I'd always be handsome," My mom, who's been clocked herself a few times.

"You know, there's a lot of ugly women and they don't get their skulls reshaped," a friend over beers.

"I'm generally against plastic surgery, so I wish I could convince you that you pass."

Like, if I got GCS, I'd like not having to tuck, and MAYBE I'd enjoy sex more, and I'd not need spiro. But I don't get genital dysphoria as much as I did during puberty.

I'm more bugged by beard shadow (laser is fixing it fast) and my lantern jaw and brow (but the cis women in my family have those pretty pronounced, too).

I hate how my friends say if I can't afford it, I shouldn't worry about it. I can't just live life hoping I magically get tens of thousands of dollars for FFS and GCS, if I decide I want them, I want to get the benefits as soon as money allows and save accordingly. Otherwise, I'll just buy avocado toast.

So somebody I follow on Tumblr got GCS. Good for her. Yet again, I find myself thinking about whether or not I want GCS, since the way I'm living ATM I mostly just think of my genitals jacking off or tucking. I've not really had sex with anybody for a while, and my ex-fiancee only liked when I mounted her for missionary, so I didn't really get to experiment.

Tumblr pal said something that struck me. She said she feels less dysphoria, and I kind of wish my dysphoria centralized on something more concrete than just this general anxiety I look male and can't do much to help it.

@bea @u2764 I didn't even know we were sick!

most trans girls: boy oh boy let me tell you about anarchy and communism and how the Democrats will backstab us at first opportunity.

me, wrenching a Pontiac screaming eagle muscle car: I only care about two things, tuckin' and fuckin'.

Thinking about buying one of those foot rasps, but now wondering if soft feet are really that great or something we do for the male gaze. Or maybe I'm just scared of taking a microplane to a bodypart that helps me stand and run and stuff.

@laura plus the fact Shakespeare plays had entirely amab actors playing roles of all genders. Maybe he was part of the trans Illuminati.

@dconley Lana fucking spilled the beans

Hilariously paranoid transphobia

@ikea_femme and I don't want this when I'm in pain and trying to take positive steps

@ikea_femme the worst part is I've been up from 10 am on my day off. I don't think this is that bad

Can't find my dentist in my provider directory, so I had to schedule with a random one. My mom responds to this by telling me my teeth look bad and my disorganization will catch up to me. That I should have been up since morning working on this. I hate living with these lectures.

Customer calls me miss one time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYkxCzBszOQ

Huh, Seagate tools reported a drive failure so that's fun. Time to think of what's at all useful on this computer I mostly slack around on.