@sophia dang, sucks. also, YEP
the trick(?) is to just post that shit and let people like it before you can self-doubt yourself into oblivion
@Josephine @sophia @alyx Oh my god I do this all the time, and sometimes I wonder if I like some of my photos just because I forgot when I took them, or maybe Google Photos or Instagram flipped them.
@alyx @Josephine @sophia Yeah, I know I fixate on shit nobody else sees, much less cares about.
What kills me is, I can't tell if I pass to people. The only metric I can trust on this is the number of jerks clocking me, which hasn't ever been high to begin with. I don't think I'm so much cis passing, as just proof trans women can be boring and unremarkable. :P
@sophia @Josephine @alyx Mind you, I live in godless liberal country. Not the nice kind, the kind where the people get snippy if you're in their way and otherwise you're invisible.
@ikea_femme @sophia @Josephine i do the same. i just assume every person reads me. it's not very healthy tbh but it seemed safer psychologically to not try and fail than to try and fail.
recently two trans ppl said i look cis (wrong imo) and a late-40s cis lesbian i've been friends with for a few years seemed legit shocked when i mentioned i was trans. (F2M??)
i conclude folks clock me sometimes but not always. it seems my reality lies somewhere in the middle, but my self-image lags behind
@alyx @Josephine @sophia For the record, I'm around 5.5 months HRT. My body's definitely more womanly, looking back.
https://witches.town/media/aXvRJbbHDomqaKsvrVk https://witches.town/media/tf-dGtcyeQMU4retxLk
@sophia @Josephine @alyx Not exactly great lighting in either of these. Fiancee's room has terrible selfie lighting.
@ikea_femme @sophia @Josephine
5.5 months isn't terribly long. rest assured the Good Things will keep happening and accumulating.
dunno if relevant, but a tidbit i found. fat doesn't just redistribute itself thru magic. first i had to lose it, then regain. THEN it went to new and better places. for 7+ years i still had a male-pattern (imo) belly fat shelf until i happened to lose and regain. now much of my fat's below waist.
also at 10+ yrs boobs are still growing. slow af but i'll take it.
@sophia @Josephine @alyx Oh, first one's around 5 month mark, the older, second one is from less than a month in.
If we're getting in the weeds, I'm taking 100mg x2 spiro, and 2mg x2 estradiol each day.
@alyx @Josephine @sophia @ikea_femme this gives me hope, thank you
@ikea_femme @sophia @Josephine sometimes you just have to accept the world's collective wisdom that you're a cutewitches
it won't sink in right away, you'll know it intellectually yet not accept it emotionally. but it's like a muscle and you get a little closer to self-acceptance each time. then straight-up fuckin' self-confidence
also eating estrogen never hurts