She's doing her best, but hoo boy is it hard to tell any cis about dysphoria.

Also, I guess I officially told a living, breathing person for the first time I want vaginoplasty if I can make it happen.

Holy shit. It's getting realer.

@ikea_femme she also sounds extremely straight, tbh

@TipsyTentacle Yeah, she had straight sex at least twice, it's fucked up.

@TipsyTentacle It came up mostly because I want to get off spiro, but I'd like to consult with a surgeon on what's best if that means some kind of orchi.

@ikea_femme big reason why I'm seeing my doctor this week. So I can stop taking Spiro.

@TipsyTentacle I'm kind of hoping I can just take a big dose of estradiol to go off it. Or maybe take less spiro. Being in the US, I don't really have a cheap and safe alternative unless I import myself.

@TipsyTentacle Since I've heard all kinds of things about what you should/shouldn't do with your scrotal area if you're going to get vaginoplasty.

@ikea_femme ...does she think cis lesbians need to sleep with men every so often for, like, maintenance reasons?

@listelian I seriously have no clue. I think it's just that kind of cis mindset that anatomy/bodily aesthetics are a matter of utility in attracting a mate. See people who say, "Why are you transitioning if it means you'll be gay?"

@ikea_femme At least with that one there's the "being gay is fuckin' amazing" comeback.

@listelian What sucks is now I'm feeling overwhelmed and my dang mind is so used to being numb, all it's doing is shaking my leg instead of making me cry or do something really cathartic. Might journal a bit.

@listelian And I can't tell if it's "I have to think about genital hair removal, getting doctor's notes, hospital arrangements, how to stay sane during recovery" stuff feeling like tangible concerns, or just coming down from the glow of "It could happen to me for real like I wanted in middle school."

@alyx It's weird because I feel like I'm crossing the oversharing line. But I'm thrilled. It's becoming real.

I admin, I've kept my research light, because all the stuff about complications/chances of getting a botched surgery/post-surgery depression is really scary. I know that's avoidant, but it's a lot.

@alyx What's weird is that I'm discussing this in the context of "I might get an orchi if the doctor can't offer a good spiro alternative," which then grew into "I'm worried it'll make it harder to get a good vagina."

@alyx All in the context of "I hate how spiro makes me pee so much and wish my balls were gone."

And now it all feels so real I feel a little sick.

@ikea_femme being trans in a cis-supremacist society is weird, period

heh :)