It's weird how my brain can convince me I'm jumping on a trend re: being trans, yet also I've only seen four other trans women in the past two months, if you count people I clocked.

Seems like if it were such a massive trend, I wouldn't be the only trans person in the comp sci department, and trans support group could get enough people to meet every week. But no, my brain takes weak thinkpieces more seriously than lived experiences.

This is also why I'm hesitant to date other trans women, in that it feels like I'd have a tiny dating pool of people I'd rather have as friends. What if relationships go sour?

This is probably different in cities, and I will be in NYC for three months, but right now, in central jersey, it's lonely.

And I'm processing my breakup with my fiancee who was not just my codependent lover, but also my best friend, and I miss her friendship more than anything else. Maybe that's making me timid and irrational.