I'm also kind of concerned, because I'd like to get off spiro if I could, and I know some surgeons really hate to give you an orchi if you might want GCS. And not to get too gross, but I don't want to have to worry about the elasticity and dermatological health of an empty ball-sack a surgeon may use as vaginal skin...

@ikea_femme all the surgeons I've ever talked to say having an orchi first is not a problem. They've also done surgery on people who had little tissue. The only concern is if you are going to have GCS shortly after, and that the procedure is done in a way to preserve the skin for later.

@jamuraa Thanks. I guess the biggest questions I have are "what feelings made you want it?" and "how did you feel about it once it was over and healed?"

I feel so inbetween on it, but I feel like anything that could make me feel at home in my body is worth it.

@ikea_femme I've in some ways always wanted a vagina, and just never thought it was possible. I theoretically knew surgery was possible (but I thought it was actually fake) after *that* south park episode. Once I learned more about it, and I accepted that it was the best I was going to get in my lifetime, there were only a few blockers: How to pay for it, whether I could stand the recovery, and if I would be happy with the results. Those went away by looking at post-op neovaginas and talking to friends. (paying for it by insurance).

At ~1 year postop it's alien to me that I ever had a penis. My vagina is good, the best I can hope for.

@ikea_femme I have more to say but I'll wait for the article for it.

@jamuraa plus, I feel like every other trans woman has big feelings, and I'm just trying to find what will alleviate the dissociation and fog. I don't cry when I feel dysphoric, or have a bad day, or even if someone I love dies. I hate it, and transition is the only thing that's chipped at that numbness.

@ikea_femme @jamuraa holy shit uwu

this resonates with me something fierce

@rey @jamuraa yeah, reading that depersonalization is smaller in trans women who have vaginoplasty really gets me curious about it.

@ikea_femme @rey a huge amount of my depersonalization and fog went away after HRT, and another big chunk after the penis was gone. I didn't even realize it was happening before HRT.

@rey @jamuraa but yeah, my limbic system is a terrible communicator. It's the equivalent of that person who says "food" when you ask where to eat. So it took me forever to figure out my brain was into transitioning.