I'm realizing I never felt this pathetic for this long pre-transition. Money was a minor concern. Distractions were cheap. And when all else failed, dissociation would take it all away.

Now I see wealthy trans women who came from similar backgrounds but didn't fuck up, and got cadillac health insurance and six figure salaries to pay for whatever work they needed done to feel right. And while I know there's women in my trans support group who would gladly trade places with me, I'm not used to needing to process ugly emotions like envy/regret for more than a few minutes. But I guess bad feelings are better than nothing.