so after ruining Christmas yesterday by bringing up against better judgement that i want to pause uni and work for now and shattering my mom's world apparently i am now back to feeling shitty and lazy for not doing anything and a weight everyone has to carry and the princess that just sits there giving orders while saying to everything "no can't do that" even though i probably could

it's just so fucking difficult if you work on believing yourself and what your body and brain need and try to do enough self care but then your mother says all your self doubts out loud and that makes it kinda very VERY fucking difficult to not believe they were true all along