So background:

My PhD advisor-
a) asked me how I knew I had depression and wasn't just sad
b) replied to me coming out by telling me she slept with her husband and didn't know how talk of our (past) sexual partners was professional
c) told me if I took MH meds that I wouldn't be able to take credit for my PhD

She is having a way worse month than I am, and I'm having a pretty shit month. She's lost several people close to her, a beloved pet, and one of her old postdocs has cancer (I am at least one step removed from these tragedies).

I just... hope this helps her learn empathy.

She sent an e-mail apologizing for being unavailable lately and I started a draft e-mail in reply, because I WANT to offer condolences, but all I can remember is how little sympathy she had whenever my MH prevented me from being perfectly productive (despite her acknowledging that I'm her most productive student, because I am very very good during my good periods).

I want to say "I'm sorry", but what I actually feel is "now you know what it's like".

Fuck.

(She's no longer my boss, for the record, but she was for 5.5 years and I'm only a year out of it).

@Maenad You can feel sorry for someone as a person without that meaning you have to take any of their shit. I know too many people who had grad school utterly fucked up for them by a supervisor with no social skills. It's a tragedy.

@gracie I wouldn't describe her as "having no social skills". More, she comes from a position of unbelievable privilege (money, health (both mental and physical) and social status) and can't understand why people struggle to meet her expectations. Things like, she expects her undergrads to apply to dozens of grad schools, when each application costs north of $100, because that's the best chance of getting in and she really can't conceive that people might not have $1k+ to spend on a chance to get in. Or in my case, she just wanted me to be there 9-5 to bounce ideas off of, when I was suicidal.