Like I can't quite put into words how much it made me rethink my experience with the world, and my interactions with others.
I am cruel sometimes, and I wish I were kinder. I have a world of excuses - my litany of abuse for one, but that hardly applies when _I_ want that change.
And putting violence and vulnerability on display as the book does makes me rethink the person I want to be. I know the core meanings behind the book are to do with the cruelties of patriarchy, but as someone who suffers under patriarchy, it makes me want to support those suffering with me, not lash out at those administering it.
personal, discussion, abuse Afficher plus
I think what hurts me most from the stories isn't the actual pain - the parts where the traps snap shut - it's the agonising build up, and that everyone complicit in it isn't shown(?) as a bad person.
When my abuser hurt me, I wanted to believe she was intentionally malicious. That she wanted to hurt me, or at least knew that I was hurting and didn't care.
It was that she wasn't a bad person, she just thought we were both playing our role. That hurt me.
And the pain I dealt myself to keep the peace was the same as in the stories.
I was doing the same thing a hundred thousand women before me had done.