@nire yeah, I love that one cos it deals so well with the embodied stuff, and the tw stuff.

tl;dr: community is dangerous.

@drcable community is dangerous but only when it willingly isolates people

@drcable the rest are still dangerous but theres recourse

@nire yeah, but people don't talk about the dangers of forming in/out groups enough, its always just universal good(because, well, we're under attack, constantly)

@drcable yep :\ and plenty of infiltrators

@drcable but speaking of the whole in/outgroup thing, i think theres something a little more insidious but also not actively a thing?

trans people especially tend to not have had relationships before the age of 20

often, their first relationships are w/ people who have had many more relationships

and often many are in kink.

and their only exposure was erotica. And they have these unrealistic fantasies

and they almost all, get hurt. by their first two relationships

@drcable that said i know people who seek out new trans people to date them because of that, so its not all... unconscious

@nire one of my ongoing themes is trans women never get a girlhood(though, this is true for cis to some extent too) and this fundementally fucks us all up wrt se

@drcable yep:\

@nire @drcable this has absolutely been my experience. We need more people speaking out about how vital inclusive sex & relationships education is. SRE that talks about predators existing (and seeing out) any & all isolated communities. How to spot them, how to test if people are respecting your consent & boundaries.

@fxck @drcable im assuming SRE here is sex relationship education or something but i literally cant parse it as anything other than site reliability engineer, and with how much abuse is there i. it parsed fine and that is worrying <_<

@nire @drcable yeah I meant sex ed :) further thoughts, cw for csa & grooming -

rape culture in combination with homophobia & transphobia is a deadly force. My parents & the christian community i grew up in never ever mentioned lgbt folk. so when i was groomed as a teen by an older man, he was my only introduction to lgbt culture. i was taught that having an older sexual "mentor" was normal and now i have C-PTSD and a fucked up relationship with sex. i had no way to know what was happening wasn't normal, and nobody i could speak to or ask.

@fxck @drcable yep! also autists are much more succeptable to that than others bc we're constantly told not to trust our feelings and that everything we observe is wrong etc etc

@drcable @fxck and young trans people are more likely to be autistic, because autistic people are more likely to both figure it out and have less to lose, socially (and less to learn/unlearn) so we're disproportionately highly represented in the under 35 bracket (it evens out if you look at entire population)

@nire @drcable I'm also autistic, but I didn't know until pretty recently. my parents kept it secret from me because they wanted me to have a "normal" childhood -_-

@fxck @drcable same, but the school encouraged them to because i'd 'use it as a crutch'

@nire @drcable fucking hell!! allists are evil!! my school never knew which, given the school i was at, was actually a blessing. the "special treatment" i'd have gotten would have been as humiliating as it is unhelpful.

@nire this so much(hi, my experience, my rape, complexly) people who've had relationships pre-trans have a massive advantage here(complexly, and not in all cases)

@drcable yeah allllso mine

@drcable speaking of im glad 'bystander consent' is catching on but im a little worried that i was one of the people who popularized it because i... dont see many google hits from before i started <_<