I've had this article saved for a while and finally read it: "The Pursuit of Androgyny" https://medium.com/gender-2-0/the-pursuit-of-androgyny-6a0ffa7aa1ff

I'm coming at it from the "other" angle, AMAB genderqueer wanting to be andro, and have thought AFAB had it "easier" (not that it's a contest) for he same reasons the author thought AMAB did.

(The rest will be threaded behind cw)

Namely: I'm not thin. A woman at my weight would have obvious breasts. I don't, therefore I'm "male".

From the author's perspective: they have breasts. Therefore, they're "female".

I guess the issue is the same, which is binarism and fatphobia. But that's a great article, and it was interesting to see "AMAB people can wear makeup and skirts and I can't" when I've thought "AFAB people can (ibid)"

And of course I don't actually think AFAB people have it easier in any sense of the word. What I really mean is that makeup and skirts for me would be Weird, whereas masculine-as-default means an AFAB person wearing a suit wouldn't be.

I guess you get misgendered the same amount, but I see it as being able to be more fluid in your presentation.

@dconley I've often seen it described that, for AMAB people, being 'feminine' is seen as degrading - as making themselves less-than, whereas an AFAB person 'emulating masculinity' is the opposite. If I walked into work in a binder and a men's suit, it'd be Bold and Daring and Cool. I'm allowed more space to express than AMAB people are because, on the Privilege Food Chain, I'm moving 'up' rather than 'down'.

@dconley (another thing to add: the flip side to this is that if i do dress in a masculine way, you're right, it's not going to make me get misgendered any less. BECAUSE women dressing in men's clothing isn't that weird, no matter how masculine I dress, I'll still be seen as a girl unless I take some pretty drastic measures and it won't even occur to people that I might be gender-variant. whereas an AMAB in feminine clothing is far enough from the norm to be seen as... significant, I guess? but I haven't really thought that part through as much yet and that's not necessarily an advantage for AMAB people in any case)

@cmdrspacebabe hm, yeah. I can be visibly gender non conforming much more easily than you. I guess it depends on what you want: to do whatever without judgment, or to be perceived how you feel. And where I fall on that scale on any given day varies.