👽cmdrspacebabe👽 @cmdrspacebabe@witches.town

@jwisser yeah, that's kinda where I'm at. like, it doesn't really... matter? much? I mean, my gender is MY gender, so it doesn't really matter if other people don't know about or understand it? it'd be otherwise if I was dysphoric/otherwise felt a need to transition, but I don't; so... shrug?
it would just be nice to have some kind of clear notion so I could stop thinking about it all the time tbh

@Morgane oh, I'm way too much of an overthinker to just be like 'yeah okay'. I can't do anything without agonizing over it for weeks first. :p

@gourgou yeah, that makes perfect sense. like, people are going to keep trying to shove you in a box regardless and it'll probably always feel like the wrong box because no one wants to live in a damn box people

@Maenad "of COURSE your gender is valid! all genders are valid! except for mine, I'm just attention-seeking."

@Maenad me tooooooo thank god for the internet amirite

I think I'll still have to process a lot and/or forever tbh but I do feel a bit better. next I'll probably just keep feeling bad about being Not Non-Binary Enough and not being out about it among the general public because I hold myself to standards I would never dream of applying to anyone else :p

@gourgou yeah, I dunno if agender is the right word for me - I still feel like I lean in some kind of gender direction rather than just, like, 'no thanks'? I just don't know what it would be

yeah I'm lucky in that I can get away with a lot of gender variance and I doubt anyone will ever call me on it. I'm a thin, conventionally attractive, (mostly) able-bodied, femme-presenting 'woman' (kinda) so like, people will just call me Bold and Interesting and Modern instead of accosting me on the street or whatever.
though on the other hand, it also means they will probably always see me as a girl no matter what I do.

@Maenad wtf are you me

no one's ever asked me about my gender at work, but if they did I don't know how I'd answer anymore :p I keep imagining situations where it would come up and being all 'yeah I'm not really much of a girl' and shit. and buying a binder and going to work in a suit like 'whatever'.

idk. like, maybe I would be a girl if people weren't so shitty about what a girl is? or maybe I wouldn't! I don't know! what is a girl!

honestly a big thing that keeps occurring to me is how I've literally always felt weirded out by labeling myself a 'woman' cuz it just feels... weird

@Maenad oh I didn't mean I still feel like I need to dress that way, just that I still like to every now and then :p my work is used to me looking pretty weird, so I can get away with p much anything as long as it's work-appropriate. I say it works in my favor; I work in a web industry, so looking Young And Hip is an advantage, and I stand out in a crowd so everyone remembers me and thus assumes I must be confident and awesome. I think of it as a +3 charisma modifier. :p

@Maenad I don't hate being female or anything, but like... it also feels kinda limiting, and wish that people didn't always see me that way? but I can't tell if it's a Gender Thing or just the fact that we live in a society that has a habit of treating women/female-presenting people like shit lol. like, do I actually not identify with the gender, or just the bullshit imposed on me because of it?

@Maenad yeah, it's not something I'm concerned about or anything, just strikes me that as soon as I started thinking about how hyper-femininity didn't have to be mandatory, I started ditching it. like, I honestly felt like I needed to dress that way (and sometimes I still do!) but as soon as I started actually processing the concept of gender, that suddenly changed.

@Maenad and I also know my sense of gender and presentation has changed a LOT since becoming more conscious of it. like, I used to feel uncomfortable or ugly in clothes that weren't super femme and form-fitting and cleavage-y; but now I would rather wear stuff that's loose and more neutral and... not hides, but doesn't accentuate my body that way. last year I switched birth control and it made my boobs grow and I was actually mad about it :p

@Maenad yeah, sounds pretty familiar :p I guess since I didn't really have an issue with being a girl until I started thinking about it/learning about trans/NB stuff, it feels like hopping on a bandwagon. At the same time, I know it's entirely possible that I would have felt it earlier if I knew it was an option, yknow? it never really occurred to me that I might be something else since the label didn't feel 'wrong', exactly. I always felt a bit weird about the term 'woman' and the ms/miss/Mrs stuff but figured that was just a) age and b) the fact that the honorific system is patriarchal garbage lol

@Maenad yeah, at this point I'm still in the 'Does This Count Or Am I Just Trying To Be Unique Or Some Shit' phase :p I mean obviously if someone asked me if their feelings are valid I'd be like 'yeah duh' but it's DIFFERENT when it's ME, of course

@lanodan_wtch I literally just came across the term maverique for the first time 10 minutes ago hahahaha

@gourgou oh man I wish

help I'm overthinking gender again

the more I think about it the less girl/woman seems to fit but I can't tell if it's just because I'm thinking about it too much

like, I'm not dysphoric or anything, I'm fine with my bodily configuration; but also I like the look of not having boobs and kinda want to buy a binder; but also gender isn't about bodies so that doesn't help much

thinking about gender roles/expectations doesn't help bc I don't fit a lot of 'women' things but like, those are bullshit anyway

I'm def not a dude but I'm also not sure I'm a girl but I also don't know what else I would be if not that

@grime_witch I don't know what this is referring to but I agree

well, at least I got to throw out and then vacuum up a bunch of ants. take that, fuckers

@candle nice

@TheRealMe 😐😑😣😒🙃😖😤😡😠😧 take your pick tbh