nothing makes me feel more fucked up than trying to be around people and not even being able to pretend not to be a grumpy piece of shit for like 10 minutes

there's literally no reason for me to act and feel this way but I don't know how to stop so whatever I guess

probably doesn't help that my partner is the most exhaustingly cheerful person on the planet who becomes completely unrelatable when I'm like this

@cmdrspacebabe I hope you don't mind me asking a personal question, but you suffer from depression and/or anxiety? (I do)

@panickyintheuk haha, yes. both. and ADHD. :p I'm on antidepressants now - wellbutrin - and it's helped my energy levels a lot, but not so much my generally low mood/discomfort with socializing. I'm going to ask about actual therapy next time I see my doctor.

@cmdrspacebabe How do you find wellbutrin? I don't think it's available here. I was on fluoxetine (Prozac) for a long time, then switched to sertraline which gave me horrible side effects, then I came off meds altogether over a year ago and am seeing how it goes (hard, but maybe necessary for me right now). Anyway in that case I figure you don't need a reason?? Or like, that's reason enough! I'm sure your partner understands. I'm sure you know this already but I just thought I'd say

@cmdrspacebabe Sorry, you kind of already answered my Q about wellbutrin. My bad, I must have been skimming without realising :rolling_eyes: I kiiinda think I might have ADD but everyone I talk to about it thinks that's ridiculous because I don't have the "classic symptoms" or "personality" or whatever, so, idk

@panickyintheuk haha that's aaaaabsolutely no reason not to think you have ADHD, the 'classic' symptoms are based on stereotypes and outdated information. I didn't get diagnosed until last year (at 24) because I'm not 'classic' either. I'm inattentive-type and the 'classic' symptoms are hyperactive-type - they didn't even figure out inattentive was a thing until pretty recently. it's a very misunderstood condition and most people have no idea what it actually looks like.

@panickyintheuk (I know A Lot about this if you have questions haha. tbh I probably know more than the average doctor at this point)

and wellbutrin is pretty great for me. it's generally considered good for depressed people with ADHD because it's stimulant-based, similar to stuff like ritalin - ADHD is characterized by low levels of certain neurotransmitters, so a constant low level of stimulant helps to compensate for it.

@cmdrspacebabe I gotta run but I'd really like to continue this later if you don't mind!

@panickyintheuk for sure, I love helping people figure out ADHD stuff :D and yeah, women present more with inattentive-type and tend to be better at hiding it due to socialization and all that. there's a lot of recent research about the under-diagnosis of women - many of us don't get diagnosed until we're adults and end up with depression/anxiety as a result: a history of failure/screwing up things that come easily to others makes us think we just suck at life.

@cmdrspacebabe Thank you, I really appreciate that. I don't know that my depression is necessarily a consequence of ADHD; depression runs in my family on both sides, so I think it's probably a distinct thing. I started to have suspicions about ADHD a little while ago - I have trouble finishing books these days, and even getting through films and eps of TV shows without lots of breaks; following through on things is a challenge; if I have a deadline, I start at the last possible minute

@cmdrspacebabe but when I mentioned my suspicions to my mother she actually burst out laughing at me, which was really upsetting, and I kind of put the idea to one side for a little while, and then I heard someone on a podcast talking about it recently and everything he was saying sounded so familiar. On a slightly separate note, I googled wellbutrin again and apparently it IS available here, but for quitting smoking (which I already did, actually), so it would be an off-label use

@cmdrspacebabe Sorry to spam you, but I was just looking at the webmd page for inattentive-type ADHD - it's talking about diagnosis in children. Don't know how differently it presents in adults, but thought I'd mention that of the symptoms listed, I'm also a huge daydreamer, very messy, and sometimes have slow processing speed