@cmdrspacebabe @dconley so this. I've experienced this my whole life, slowly (and now quickly) trying to feminize myself. and yeah, not to detract from the struggles of afab people at all, I've seen some serious bullshit trans men and enby friends have to go through, but even they usually admit it's harder as amab for precisely these reasons.

@nergdron @dconley @cmdrspacebabe so as afab, one thing I hate is that every choice I make about what to wear is interpreted sexually. I wear men's clothes? That's hot. I wear women's clothes? That's hot. Basically, any choice I make is interpreted as being for the male gaze.

I feel like amab who wear women's clothes (without "passing") are often dismissed as having a kink or whatever, but they're not necessarily read as doing it "for men". It's not easier but I'm often jealous of it anyway.

@Maenad @dconley @nergdron yeaaah. I mean, everything we do is about men right, obviously, duh

@dconley my brain likes to be kept busy, so I spend a looot of time working through these kinds of things to find the best ways to articulate them :p

@dconley I did my B.A in communications and sociology, so this is like, kinda my thing lmao

@cmdrspacebabe hm, yeah. I can be visibly gender non conforming much more easily than you. I guess it depends on what you want: to do whatever without judgment, or to be perceived how you feel. And where I fall on that scale on any given day varies.

@dconley Yeah. I like being able to dress however I want, but it would also be cool to be able to have more of an impact on the way people perceive me, I guess.

@cmdrspacebabe people kept calling me "he" today and I wanted to be like "heyyy I have painted nails! And earrings! And I'm clean shaven! Please notice I'm not a dude!"

@dconley I've already outright worn suits and I minimize my torso a lot and such, but my facial features and hair and general shape are not ~ambiguous~ by the standards of The Cis. Though my face is angular enough that I might be able to play around with makeup to shift a little bit.

@dconley @cmdrspacebabe it unfortunately never ends. cis hets are very committed to seeing what they expect to see. I still get sir'd, and you've seen how I look, so... 💙