nothing makes me feel more fucked up than trying to be around people and not even being able to pretend not to be a grumpy piece of shit for like 10 minutes

there's literally no reason for me to act and feel this way but I don't know how to stop so whatever I guess

probably doesn't help that my partner is the most exhaustingly cheerful person on the planet who becomes completely unrelatable when I'm like this

girl my partner's been seeing probably thinks I don't like her because I don't know how to... want to be around people

I wish I wanted to be more social so I could actually participate in life but in the end I would always rather be alone in my room talking to the Internet

it's hard to describe. I just wish I was different sometimes so I could actually be a person and not always feel so forced and out of place whenever I'm not by myself

@cmdrspacebabe I had really long talks with my girlfriend (3yrs couple) cause of my need to be 10H a day with my friends on the internet (yeah when you can't socializing IRL it's kinda like that) she understood well, don't forcing me to go out or see her family each time. I just try to be there and quit my stuff if she need hugs (we are kinda depression-mates) and we planned to do what she want 2/3 times (=15 hours) a week. we just had to plan about how far we can make the effort.

@NaHO my partner doesn't really understand, I think. we're very different and he's not very good at understanding that - I think he doesn't always remember that not everyone feels or sees things the way he does. he doesn't try to push me to do things, but there's such a contrast between our moods/energy levels that it can feel very alienating, and highlights what I often see as a deficiency in myself - something that's always been missing that so many other people seem to have