Zeph 🐿️ @chaognostica@witches.town

@Mycroft Yeah, I've been working drive-thru and therefore standing right in front of a big open window the entire time. No noticeable darkening here. I think the heavy clouds are both making it dark enough in the first place and spreading the light enough that it's just not a big deal? I know nothing about how any of this works. :D But that's my best guess.

Today's card: The Magician (reversed)

Distressing. And confusing. I'll have to think about that.

https://witches.town/media/UuPE97ic2aM-VTjOCzE

Helena is just such a great character and it's frustrating to see her like this, not only playing up the tired "sex is my weapon" trope as her personal choice but pushing it on younger women. I just can't quite imagine the Robins sitting around sneaking candy because Bruce wants them to keep their "tummies flat and asses undimpled." Like seriously, what even. The portrayal of Dick as eye candy may be progressive, but explicitly training girls to shape themselves to the cishet male gaze is not.

Just finished "Grayson" Volume 1. Decent comic. Well-drawn, interesting take on familiar characters, kind of wonky disjointed storytelling. Generally the concepts are better than the story. Also, I read it because I had heard it was sort of feminist - not only is the objectifying art flipped for the dude-appreciating gaze, but it's not even really objectification because Grayson has agency, knows, plays into it. Unfortunately, the female characters don't get the same level of depth and choice.

I feel a lot better than I did earlier. But I was reminded that I have kind of a Thing about being told how I supposedly feel. I accidentally dripped some water on a co-worker's fancy retirement gift's display box. I felt awful and immediately apologized when she pointed it out. But she says "No, you're not. You don't even look sorry."

And I just...What the actual fuck?

There's not much I can do about it and it's not that big a deal and blah blah blah. But like. If there's something I *could* do to make it up, tell me that. Don't just say I'm not sorry because I don't know how to make the appropriate face.

NTs, man. Fuck.

Sigh. I have 5 hours left of work and I'm about ready to fall apart and start sobbing because of a shitty thing that just happened that I can't talk about right now and I just want to go home.

Woo, I get the men's uniform at my job now. They're ordering everyone's set for this year soon and when I was first hired and gave my size for men's clothes, the manager ordering them said I had to wear the women's version. But dysphoria was bad enough yesterday I got brave and asked again, and the store director's just like "Sure, what size!" I have no idea what was going on the first time, but yay for supportive workplaces.

@Mycroft Beyond just the basic genderqueer/non-binary, I like the term "gendervague." Which kind of makes sense given how important both my (lack of) gender identity and my autistic identity are to me in understanding myself and others.

Some explanations:

https://transtistic.wordpress.com/2017/06/17/what-is-gendervague/

https://thetaskforceblog.org/2016/06/22/gendervague-at-the-intersection-of-autistic-and-trans-experiences/

My store's seasonal section just added a bunch of popcorn shirts. Are those back? Those cannot be back.

@Mycroft "Hmmm, I wonder if they have squirrels.."

THEY DO. They do have squirrels! Not as many, but they are there! Awesome.

Feeling super sick but it's probably just dehyration and I wouldn't feel right leaving work for that. So I've got two big bottles of water and almost 6 hours to go. Yayyyyyyyy... At least I finished my turn on drive-thru so I won't also have to deal with the extra heat from the sun-facing window.

I get to write today! Hurray!

Also we're hiring a new part-time person at work probably *and* dropping down from 5 people a day to 4! That in general is a bad thing but I'm choosing to look on the bright side - I'll soon have an extra writing day every week! Hurray!