suicide has been crossing my mind every day since before the holidays. i don't feel close to acting but jfc it's annoying to dwell on it constantly

i got new insurance that will likely pay for a therapist starting in march. long needed

my baby-saving trump-voting flag-saluting mother tried to make contact before the holiday but i have not yet replied. i write several responses in my head every day but it's better not to say anything, because that would start a new phase in having to deal with her betrayal

then again, i'm not exactly thriving in this avoidance pattern either