@sophia dang, sucks. also, YEP
the trick(?) is to just post that shit and let people like it before you can self-doubt yourself into oblivion
@Josephine @sophia @alyx Oh my god I do this all the time, and sometimes I wonder if I like some of my photos just because I forgot when I took them, or maybe Google Photos or Instagram flipped them.
@ikea_femme @sophia @Josephine sometimes you just have to accept the world's collective wisdom that you're a cutewitches
it won't sink in right away, you'll know it intellectually yet not accept it emotionally. but it's like a muscle and you get a little closer to self-acceptance each time. then straight-up fuckin' self-confidence
also eating estrogen never hurts
@alyx @Josephine @sophia Yeah, I know I fixate on shit nobody else sees, much less cares about.
What kills me is, I can't tell if I pass to people. The only metric I can trust on this is the number of jerks clocking me, which hasn't ever been high to begin with. I don't think I'm so much cis passing, as just proof trans women can be boring and unremarkable. :P
@ikea_femme @sophia @Josephine i do the same. i just assume every person reads me. it's not very healthy tbh but it seemed safer psychologically to not try and fail than to try and fail.
recently two trans ppl said i look cis (wrong imo) and a late-40s cis lesbian i've been friends with for a few years seemed legit shocked when i mentioned i was trans. (F2M??)
i conclude folks clock me sometimes but not always. it seems my reality lies somewhere in the middle, but my self-image lags behind