Looking through OKCupid and I find a match that describes himself uncomfortably similarly to egg-me. He seems okay, but I probably won't be clicking the like button or messaging because I can't shake the feeling I'd crack him and then need to post a buncha #trans 101 shit over IM. It's irrational.
He wants to learn how to knit, and he's describing losing a ton of weight and still having trouble being comfortable with his body! 🤔
@ikea_femme oh my goodness
you found one
@alyx Like normally I don't feel comfortable playing the whole "apropos of nothing, I wonder if this person will transition" game. Everyone's got their own issues and a massive private world in their head. And I'm shit at reading people.
But uh. He's kinda exactly past me?
@ikea_femme maybe send him to http://haveyoureadnevada.com/
@alyx Dang, that's like a slow burn alternative to amitransgender.com (the triage tool an IRC used to crack me when I spent a whole month being all, "I fucking hate being a guy and like to imagine being a woman, but does that mean I really wanna transition? Like, is that allowed? Will I regret it? But is it a thing I can do? Am I allowed to take pills and be a girl?")
@ikea_femme heh. damn, you only spent a month doing that? i was like 18+ months. :) that's funny though. well put.
have you yourself read nevada? it's fuckin' good and i think it could really strike some chords in certain eggs, maybe help them accelerate along their eventual trajectory.
@alyx I started reading it, but put it down when I got to the part where she realized she needed to be a single woman.
Because damn. That was me. At the time, I was clinging to my fiancee, who herself was becoming dependent and a bit more distant than she used to be. And I realized, "why am I clinging to her? Why did I even propose?"
So that was upsetting and I switched back to The Wind Up Bird Chronicle.
Now I'm separated from her, and I'm finding my doppel-egg-er on OKC. And I finished the Wind Up Bird Chronicle.
@ikea_femme oh, interesting. i can see that hitting home.
do you like murakami? i only started with him via his why i run non-fiction. was thinking of moving into fiction via his earliest stuff like pinball 1973 or whatnot
@alyx I like him, but I get why he's divisive. I think I connected with him because of how egg-me experienced himself and emotions. I always felt kind of detached, and he likes emotionally numb and passive male protagonists who wander through dreamlike narratives.
It was reading A Wild Sheep's Chase that I actually found myself suddenly getting really mad. I realized I saw how strange the main character's emotional responses were, and realizing they were mine, and that I was leading a life and feeling feelings like his and not like characters I admired more. But what could I do? My body was my body and my feelings were my feelings. Little did I know.