saw this revolting mascot... thing at the local discount grocery store

i honestly don't know what to say

best i can tell it is some sort of cocoa bean / human heart hybrid. it may also be infested with a fungal agent or similar, given the tentacles.

in that case it's likely the fungus has hijacked the motor functions, taking over the host body

it's teeth are those of an herbivore, and it's momentarily distracted by that unnaturally small, overly full bowl of cereal

Cholesterol! says the oddly prominent copy next to it, as if any person will have time to worry about lipids when this beany motherfucker is cavorting through their kitchen