now i have this narrative stirring in my head of other people speaking up and saying to me, "i regret being your friend, patience," followed by them moving their proverbial chair further away from me or by saying "good-bye"

i dislike my head. the above messages are not literal/perceptual voices, not literal/perceptual whispers (thus not schizoid), but basically they're old mental proxies installed by my ex-mum when i was still a kid. i think all this cptsd therapy these past two years has helped a lot to rid of the proxies, but i guess the mechanisms still exist

(maybe calling these old mechanisms *rhizomic* might be more accurate)