If you don't stand up for yourself, you can be easily controlled and directed by others. Whether by force, manipulation, or rumor, Narcissists can do severe harm if you don't do what they want, and will often try to direct you in a way that benefits them. Narcissists can be hard to spot because they can be charming and seem kind, but eventually when put to the test it will be obvious that they do not have your best interests in mind, and will only benefit you when it benefits them.
Narcissists are a big reason why trust is so scarce. And it can be hard to tell the difference between someone seeming a narcissist and someone being one.
Do not blindly trust others, even if you're in love with them, even if they're friends. If they push you into situations that harm you, if they attack you, if they make you feel bad when you don't do things their way, start to wonder if it's them instead of you.
They will cow you if they can. If they try to demonize you as soon as you get critical of them, that's a red flag right there. If they always focus on how you hurt *them* and never on how their actions or words hurt others or the harm that is done to others, that's another big red flag.
If you're constantly walking on egg shells around them... may be it's time to stop walking around them
To best tell a Narcissist: look at what someone does for someone they don't have to treat well.
Not to say they won't be subtle. A Narcissist prizes their reputation (over people) and they are aware that if they go too far people will turn on them. But if you notice one person treated differently than others because they will put up with it or don't provide the possible Narcissist with something, take notice.
Notice little things like that. If they're treating people drastically differently based on what they can get away with and what they can get from others, that's a massive red flag
(As a mutual has pointed out on twitter: Not everyone with NPD goes untreated, and as she put it: "I understand we can do a lot of harm if not self-aware but it would be beneficial to keep in mind there are folks with NPD who can be compassionate not completely awful
Also there’s no way for anyone to know if more of us that predate are in the majority or minority. It’s not like many covert narcs go around answering surveys. Usually we are only talked about when we’ve done something wrong"
This is all true.
BUT, all I said could be seen as a way to spot predatory malevolent narcissists.
Narcissists have taught me to despise and hate, and sometimes that's healthy. Sometimes you have to be willing to hear a manipulative sob story from someone who predates on others and go " I don't care"