@Estelwen @Sylvhem Do you see a therapist? Have you told them?

Have you made a list of people to contact when you start feeling suicidal? I'd highly recommend it. People you know you can talk to and feel safe around. I used to keep a post-it note on my computer of people I cared about that I wanted to talk about more, so even in my darkness I could see people I cared about & reach out to them.

Sometimes just a bit more distraction helps over the rough patches.