I feel like I walk a precarious tightrope. One slip and I can end up falling.
I feel this physically, mentally, and spiritually -- but spiritually the least. I think I have a good idea of all that lays in my spirit.
Just doesn't carry over to the material world outside of when I can overlay a mental projection over how I'm acting. But I have to remember to do that.
@Ulfra_Wolfe I'll have to review your thoughts on this, myself. At one point in time, our capricious mortality empowered me, or was acceptably motivating. But now, I feel all sorts of paralysis-- social safety, fiscal, romantic, and on..
I'm hoping what I've gained from insights, lately, might help me defrost.. :(
@Filene Well...
Most of what I say is what I think when thinking about it, when introspecting, when I have the time to improve my willpower. I don't want to give the impression that I just easily think this 100% of the time, just to warn you... BUT...
@Ulfra_Wolfe but we're grateful to be part of whatever thoughts you want to share in your multifaceted journey, since we all hope to help each other.
I'm grateful for your clarification about how regularly you can maintain this will. :)
@Filene I trailed off and got distracted! Aaaaa!
But my insights, so to speak:
Multi-faceted. Mostly I deal with issues of finality as in... if I move towards what I want to be now, without assigning it something material (like wealthy, etc.), I can be happy even if I were to die, or lose everything.
For instance, no one can take Ulfra from me. She's something with real power. If I were to die, I was still Ulfra.
I"d rather spend 5 short years as Ulfra, than 100000000000 years as (deadname).
@Filene I can't influence the physical nearly as much the mental, so most of my work is the mental.
Then I decide what I am.
I am Ulfra, Vedia, Elodia, Sola... I define those forms for myself, what they mean to me, and then call them up when I need them for something. Or when I want to toy around with their mindset, perspective, personality, etc.
But you can do it with one, if you wish. Just your Ideal Self. Imagine what the person who does what you most want to do would do, then be that person. (Neil Gaiman advice right there -- I recommend looking up his graduation speech)
@Filene It's a long road. Often times a painful one. You are going to lack certain skills (whether social, mental, physical, etc.) in the area you may want to reach. Some skills may even be too late to learn (though you'd be surprised how much dedicated interest can help, too).
Just keep your willpower high, and don't feel like faltering and losing your magic for a time is the same as failing utterly. You only fail utterly when you believe it and never try again.
My path was full of pain that I wouldn't wish on anyone, but the results were worth it, at the same time.
@Ulfra_Wolfe I guess deciding for "someone else" is easier than deciding for myself. Last night & today I had a bit of visuals and conversations that helped me consider if my "Mind over matter" had me stop minding what mattered to me. I realize identity is somewhere between (or both) decisive intent and its witnessing, but a future me seems to be a bridge between all possible decisions and its interpretations.
Thank you for the suggestion, I think it reminded me of decisions towards my ideal self I started making long ago.