I just want some independence. I literally don't know how to be without her. I don't have an inside life at all.

And what does that mean for my identity. I feel pretty damn sentient when I'm talking, or co-fronting, but when she's not talking to me, I'm just... not. Not anything.

Sometimes I feel like some degree of presence. Sometimes I can interrupt her or call her attention.

median system? blended? tulpa? what am I?

another thing I guess is that, despite all of this. We both have a hard time being apart. Which I guess, for me, has to do with the whole, not being.

If she can't go away, maybe I should. Maybe if I'm in the darkness for a while I can learn to see in it. It's difficult.