That Very Quinn has Moved @ThatVeryQuinn@witches.town

I don't remember much of anything up to the age of 14, so there's a good start.

Then at 14, my first solid memories are of dating a woman 4 years my senior (18), out of desperation for positive emotional attention. Thankfully no sex happened.

Flash forward a few years, I dated a girl my age whose mother treated me like I was a potential rapist. Didn't last long.

Another year or so, I'm 17 and coming out to myself, and in college, I date a 23 year old woman for a week and she lies to me about damn near everything about her. Doesn't last long.

I just. I have a long history of fucked up relationships with women, both platonic and otherwise.

Maybe it's because I don't spend time with basically any men, but while I know they're trash intuitively , I just, I guess I haven't internalized it as much.

And even more, nobody gets why I'm friends with that guy still, despite him being about one of the only people who reviles her (one of my abusers) as much as I do for what she did to me.

Because nobody takes my sexual and emotional abuse nearly as seriously as the guy who spit in my face once and that really bothers me. It makes it difficult to come to terms with.

Like, haha yeah men are trash but I would love it if we could all take a moment to reflect upon this pedestal we put women on and how it affects the people who have been hurt by women.

@ghost_bird Like, even Nova talks more shut about the one dude who was vaguely an asshole to me than they do the woman who sexually abused me for a full year.

@ghost_bird Good point. Idk I guess it's just like... one of those things?

Most of my abusers/assaulters have been women and at this point I'm just used to shrugging it off bc nobody gives that much of a shit.

I'm remembering this time I hung out with this girl. We had like, one sexual encounter that was kinda meh but she invited me to a friend's party, so I went.

She straight up forced a kiss on me in public and it was super fucking gross and I keep coming back to it and thinking, "it was only a kiss and it was just awkward. Not that bad a thing."

Is that weird?

Basically whenever a cis man asks if I'm a bottom or top I can say with 100% certainty he wants me to put my dick in him and I am 100% not into it.

@SilviaFox I feel ya. :/ I'm sorry.

@SilviaFox I get you. For me, my genitalia are basically useless for penetration so I have to use a strap on, which helps a lot.

Cis dude at the beginning of a conversation: So are you a top or a bottom?

Me: Uhhhhhhhh, no.

Trans girl at the beginng of a conversation: So are you a top or a bottom?

Me: 😍 Versatile 😍

It is in fact, not that deep, but its important to me, nonetheless.

Seriously though the intro to Alive 2007 kills me all the time, with the back and forth "Robot" "Human"

That's kind of why the recognition that I am, in fact, human, is such a vital part to my recovery from trauma that I'm including a line from a song by Daft Punk in my back piece.

I find it odd that I relate to AI more than people.

Nova once tried to break up with me, and it basically went the same way.

I capitulated without emotion because I know I can't change people's minds and there's no point in getting emotional over shit happening.

Nova didn't take this well, basically called me a coward for it, not willing to fight for anything. And so I put up a fight and we didn't break up.

Idk.

I relate to that scene from Black Mirror where the woman and the robotic replacement for her dead husband are standing on the cliff and she tells him to commit suicide.

He ultimately capitulates without fear after putting up a logical fight, "I never expressed any suicidal thinking", but she hesitates and says that the REAL husband would have been scared, so the robot puts on a scared face to make the illusion of being her husband fit.

@SilviaFox I getcha. I have issues forming and recognizing emotions, so idk I just don't really get attached to people and I dont really have a personality.

@SilviaFox I used to be that way, but over time I learned differently.