@Maenad I've just never felt like this before? Like, I've always been able to brush off being suicidal and ignore it and be a coward and not go through with it but things are Different Now.

@Maenad And tbh it kind of feels like going to the hospital this time would just be being a coward again.

@ThatVeryQuinn @Maenad Cowardice that prevents suicide doesn't seem like cowardice to me.

@Ulfra_Wolfe @Maenad :\

@ThatVeryQuinn @Maenad @Ulfra_Wolfe Asking for help is hard, don't let anyone tell you you're a coward for seeking it out

@ThatVeryQuinn @Maenad Hey, I won't lie. Living is hard. Making a decision to live is the hard thing. Dealing with depression, dealing with hardships, and if I'm not wrong, dealing with threats of poverty.

You've been strong to come this way.

I think you can stay strong, myself. And there's people out here rooting for you. Promise.

@Maenad @ThatVeryQuinn I kinda think of you as a Zarya given your icon, haha. Though I know you probably feel you can't live up to her, if you're like me.

But I doubt Zarya is strong all the time. Sometimes she probably feels weak, and she needs a friend to support her, too.

But the world is much less bright without a Zarya than with her.

I feel the same about you. :)

@Ulfra_Wolfe I mean, I can't really afford going to the hospital, and I get you on the Zarya thing it's just, I dunno.

I'm tired of trying to be happy all of the time, and I don't think things are ever going to be Better. I can't handle this.

Like, I know I need help but I can't bring myself to get it because of money and my job.

@ThatVeryQuinn If you can't go to the hospital, do absolutely whatever you can. Force yourself into a public space for a while to ride this out, maybe. Go for a walk. Do just about anything you can.

I think things will get better. There's a lot of factors in your life that can change. It just seems far off now -- but life can be wild, and severe changes can happen

@Ulfra_Wolfe I really don't know if I have it in me to work on it any more, to be honest. It's been ten years of working at it and all working at it has done is made things worse.

@ThatVeryQuinn What would you need to be happy?

@Ulfra_Wolfe I don't think anything will make me happy, to be honest? I think this is just Inevitable. Always waiting.