@kacealexander Ugh, I am sorry to hear all of that, fren ∑:c
Obvs I'm no therapist, and I wouldn't want to insert myself into your personal business; but please know, if you ever just need to talk fren to fren, my virtual door is open.
Also, remember; sometimes, meltdowns can be productive. IME it's a little like lightning. A brief flash of violent heat, but one that rebalances things in the process.
Hang in there, but no harder than you have to! 💖