@nightpool I've sort of recovered from thinking that I owe jerks something (unless it's tangled in my meatspace emotional guiltweb) BUT I want to stand up for others

@Puck I don't think engaging with random jerks on the internet generally has good effects as far as standing up for others though. for me, it just puts more depressing content on my feed.

I think it's more important to build inclusive, welcoming spaces, and then to make sure people within those spaces are treating each other well.

@nightpool This is a lovely response and I think you're totally right and I'm boosting it.

@nightpool @Puck The boundary between "standing up for others" and "performative allyship" is pretty blurry, I think.

Like, *somebody* has to tell jerks to stop being jerks, right? And a lot of people don't actually know they're doing a jerky thing, so a quick message might help.

But picking fights in peoples' mentions NEVER works out well.

@Puck @nightpool The only thing I've ever seen work is having some locally authoritative figure pull people aside and say, *privately*, "Hey, that wasn't cool. I deleted it this time, but don't let it happen again."

Saying the same thing to somebody, in public, as a rando without the power to delete/ban, is just picking a fight.

@tobascodagama @nightpool I don't think I've ever heard the phrase "performative allyship" before but it's one of the better phrases I've ever heard. I also agree that in most instances a "call-in" is more valuable than a "call-out"

@Puck @nightpool 100% of the credit goes to black twitter for that phrase. Or that's who I learned it from, at least.

@elderbong I think that in this space the deterrence is both our profound outnumbering ~and~ administrative support, so I want to tread carefully with provocation.
One issue I had is that someone used a ~word I would not use~ very casually in thinkpiece style and while I fiercely wanted to call them out (AND DID! Then deleted) I worried that I was misreading and whitesplaining/did not understand context
But also, like, probably not? I guess I have to be ... sure to tusk

@Puck My methodology is to call things out that I think are problematic while also deferring judgement to anyone closer to the issue than myself when they're present. Always being open to being wrong but trying my best to be an ally, basically.