And yet to motivate myself in either thing, to have the confidence to just *do the thing* seems so beyond me, whatever I thought yesterday or the day before.

Whatever I felt. Oh to feel things that weren't utter shit or numbness. Or minor, brief relief. Hunching over like I always do. What a fuck. I want to hate myself less. I'd like to feel rested. I'd like to feel my age, not twice it. I'd like so many things. And yet. I want to do things, help people. With pictures???