Felt a pang of optimism just now. Regret it already. I hope I can feel good about the future, or my future at least, sometime. The urge to stay alive is often a bizarre one. So at odds with everything I know and witness and the everyday grinding of people and potential into dust. I need space. I need time. So do we all. I'm so far from being certain of anything. I'm so angry at myself and much else. Never knowingly not exhausted lol.