@Noelle808

*Nods*

But it's definitely a struggle. Like, my conclusion from all this isn't "okay, I'll just be monogamous, problem solved."

It's like... I want everyone to be happy and cuddly and share affection. I want people to have their needs met and share experiences.

But imagining people I like with other folks *also* sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable and territorial. Or I'll notice myself unconsciously distancing myself when they date someone else, to avoid hurt.

@Noelle808

It's as though my unconscious conclusion is, "okay, I don't want to fight for you, because I know I'm not going to win. I'm not going to hold up against people who are louder, more outgoing, more clever. So they can have you." and then I begin to cut my heart away.