dudes/white ppl/cishets:

Going into someone's menchies while they're talking about something traumatic to go "Wow that's terrible I apologize for my gender/race/sexuality/etc." reeeally isn't helpful.

Regardless of your intention, from a rando it comes across as insincere and performative. Like you're looking for a headpat and for me to go "there there, it's not *your* fault"