**Justice is My Copilot** @Paperclippe · 03 nov. 2017, 02:04

**Justice is My Copilot** @Paperclippe · 03 nov. 2017, 02:04

Justice is My Copilot @Paperclippe

03 nov. 2017, 02:04

I've been thinking about suicide a lot lately.

Not in the sense that it's... something I want to do - god that even sounds trite to write, who wants to - or am going to, but... I've just been thinking about it. A friend of mine took his own life earlier this year, and though I haven't told too many people (anyone really, outside of the context of my migraines), I"ve been in almost constant pain, physical and emotional, though mostly emotional, the physical came later, for a while.

Again, I don't want to worry anyone or concern anyone. I'm not taking steps or anything.

**Justice is My Copilot** @Paperclippe · 03 nov. 2017, 02:07

**Justice is My Copilot** @Paperclippe · 03 nov. 2017, 02:07

03 nov. 2017, 02:07

Justice is My Copilot @Paperclippe

suicidal ideation Afficher plus

I just need to get this off of my chest, that... occasionally the idea will pop into my head. It's a thing that exists there. I'll think of ramming something through my chest or my head when I hurt. Think of just stopping breathing - which was a thing I used to do as a kid a lot, just hold my breath when I was upset.

I'm not really sure if there's a point to all of this.

Famous last words, eh?

**Nocta Senestra** @Nocta · 2017-11-03T02:11:42Z

Nocta Senestra @Nocta

suicidal ideation Afficher plus

@Paperclippe

I'm sorry this happened to your friend, and you. é_è

I hope you'll get to grieve over this* in a near future and to live again without this pain.

(*not sure that's the right way to say it, I'm not a native English speaker)

03 nov. 2017, 02:11 · 0 · 1

**Justice is My Copilot** @Paperclippe · 03 nov. 2017, 02:21

**Justice is My Copilot** @Paperclippe · 03 nov. 2017, 02:21

03 nov. 2017, 02:21

Justice is My Copilot @Paperclippe

suicidal ideation Afficher plus

@Nocta Your english is perfect. :)

And thanks very much. I'm not sure... I don't know how to say this without sounding insensitive. I"m not sure it's his death that I'm grieving over. It's just sometimes I"ll feel this way and be reminded of him and think, "Ah, there's that option," but totally unprompted, like it's not my own thought. It reminds me of him. And I do miss him, terribly.

But again, thank you. A lot.

**Nocta Senestra** @Nocta · 03 nov. 2017, 02:25

**Nocta Senestra** @Nocta · 03 nov. 2017, 02:25

03 nov. 2017, 02:25

Nocta Senestra @Nocta

suicidal ideation Afficher plus

@Paperclippe

No problem.

I understand, I think I do at least.

I used to always have a better option, I called those options "moral suicide", some things like "dump everything and go live in a community in the moutain or something", just in case someday I would have those kind of thoughs.

Noweday I'm not sure anymore. But I guess in most case there's always options that does not involve either ending our lives or continuying them as they are. In most case, not everybody have this chance I guess.

**Nocta Senestra** @Nocta · 03 nov. 2017, 02:30

**Nocta Senestra** @Nocta · 03 nov. 2017, 02:30

03 nov. 2017, 02:30

Nocta Senestra @Nocta

suicidal ideation Afficher plus

@Paperclippe

In any case, I still think the life is worth all the inconveniences/pains. I hope you'll have as few of those thoughs as possible.

Take care of yourself ! 💜