But... fuck, I need to be used as a fucktoy, I need to feel a body against mine, the heat and the passion of the moment, to please and make people happy, in sex too. It doesn't mean I feel a thing. On the contrary.

@Morgane i don't have any answers, but it's great that you've found this place and that you're now able to do so without old distractions/dysphoria standing in the way <3

@patience Dysphoria still is here, but... yeah. My sexuality has awakened and now I feel more... entire. More myself. Still have a lot to learn. My limits, what I wish for. But it... feels good. To feel desire. Intense desire. Even if it comes with the frustration. Every minute of the day. It feels good.

Thanks !

@Morgane it took me 11 years after voicing to get there to a place where i could be erotically and intimately in touch with my body enough so that the dysphoria didn't consume me into panic. for me in particular, it was only maybe a year or two of that before external life incidents made that more of a challenge. (my life experiences are not common, so fear not)

it's a great feeling, isn't it :)

@patience Yes. Overwhelming. Totally overwhelming. I really enjoy how everyone has its own path. Some way harder than others, but... I don't know of 2 people with the same. I guess because of my past I pay more attention to it ? Anyways. If you have been able to find yourself and feel well, and I hope you are still able to, this is perfect !

@Morgane these days, what i'm working against is a literal zero T count (which you sort of need in small amounts in order to feel horny)… plus two anti-depressants which kill sex drive. but i'm very slowly working on all of this as a medical "project" with my doctor: once the antidepressants and side effects are being managed OK, i'll be working with her to add small amounts of T. (a decade ago, i'd have a tough time believing i'd be saying this, but bodies are weird that way)

@patience Haha, yup. Had read about it. How T is needed for many things and it's better to have a bit.

I don't know for antidepressants (yet, at least... ), but for what's about T... I think mine dropped drastically, I still have to do analysis to know where it stands. Even though I have maybe the lowest dose of cyproteron/androcur possible. it was really effective, really fast and it shows in many ways. Yet that's because it dropped that my sexual arousal could get to life.

.....Bodies are weeeiiird :v

@Morgane quite so!

i completed genital surgery, like, 13yrs ago, so i've been w/o T all these years (and without a need any longer for cyproterone/spironolactone)

maybe five years ago, there was someone i was dating who made me feel pleasantly erotic and in touch with my body, but she was still dysphoric with her own body and wasn't in a place where being more intimate was possible. anyway, yeah. bodies are weird, but we have a much better sense of how endocrinology works than the average cis person!

@patience It feels weird to see someone that completed surgery a decade ago. As I feel like I will never (and might really never) get a surgery because of how complicated it is in my situation.

But indeed, had forgotten that T production stops after surgery, haha. Damn, and here I am, student in biology (not human phisiology but still).

I guess it's all up to the people you meet ? Bodies are weird, but so is mind ! And yeah, no doubt about it, for experiencing high T, high E, low T, and the middle.... But maybe it's even more "strong" as changing the whole hormonal system is really... brutal ? Like, even stronger effects.

@Morgane well, by the time i was able to do so (with the help of a benefactor), it was 13 years after i voiced as trans and began my transition. by then (2004), nearly all of the people i knew who had started their transitions around when i did (and who started well after i had) had completed genital surgery years earlier then i had. this left me extremely anxious and increasingly desperate. that was not a pleasant period of my life

i would not wish that on anyone, and i hope you do secure the means for surgery sooner than later <3

@patience Good luck and best wishes concerning your treatment, your arousal, and everything you can wish for !

@kara_dreamer I really think the same and it's so hard because that's not how it works in society and I am so shy and anxious that I would never ever dare to ask.

And people see it as weird. But... it is fine to be a slut. There is nothing bad about it. It's just desire, overwhelming lust and passion.

@Morgane hey...I grew up with parents who never so much as held hands. I didn't even know what physical affection felt like until my mid-20s...is it any wonder I now crave it almost every moment of my life? XD

@kara_dreamer Right, seen like that. I have been in a similar situation, with divorced parents, and... dysphoria just killed any desire I had, making me feel nauseous every time lust tried to show.

But I can't stop thinking there is something else. How can I say ? Many people I know that experienced dysphoria aren't that much into sex, well... not as much as me and... fuck.

One day I awakened as a slut and now here I am. Ready to be fucked all day long. To suck and please and caress and touch and lick and tug and... well. A lot of things.

is there a cupid for sluts ?

@Morgane hehe, perhaps. she's probably genderqueer as fuck

@kara_dreamer Damn yeah. Genderqueer cupid, making people slut. Almost sounds like incubus and succubus, haha.