@Maenad You can feel sorry for someone as a person without that meaning you have to take any of their shit. I know too many people who had grad school utterly fucked up for them by a supervisor with no social skills. It's a tragedy.

@gracie I wouldn't describe her as "having no social skills". More, she comes from a position of unbelievable privilege (money, health (both mental and physical) and social status) and can't understand why people struggle to meet her expectations. Things like, she expects her undergrads to apply to dozens of grad schools, when each application costs north of $100, because that's the best chance of getting in and she really can't conceive that people might not have $1k+ to spend on a chance to get in. Or in my case, she just wanted me to be there 9-5 to bounce ideas off of, when I was suicidal.

@gracie this is all past tense. I am through it, I don't work for her, I am a collaborator but not a student. She knows I will push back when I need because I amazed her by doing so throughout my PhD.

Which is where the spite comes in. Because she had no empathy for me, I am having a really hard time having it for her.

@Maenad I'm a bit touchy about these issues, for personal reasons. It amazes me there's still that privilege when we have associate professors eating out of dumpsters. I had to get out of it eventually.