I want to be an old white guy working a 30 hr week, drinking with my friends and calling it work, and marry a cute girl. This used to be normal, I want it to be normal for me.

The reality is, I'll have a constant uphill fight to prove that I'm working hard enough to deserve my job because gender politics are fucked and if I ever show up to an academic event with a woman on my arm I will be having the conversation about why for the rest of my academic career.