okay, these jobs, in alphabetical order:

Albuquerque, NM - I get to work with distributed differential equations and write my own job description. I also get to live rent free.

Athens, GA - I get to keep doing literally exactly what I'm doing now (even funded by the same grant), I just get to do it in an incrementally more toxic work environment.

DC - I get to do a lot of signal to noise stuff in a government agency setting.