Anyway, today I went to open mat (and then to the other gym) and there were only two other people there so I rolled with coach. He called me "strong" and "well proportioned" (mostly, he clarified that he could tell I never skipped leg day) and gave me tips about basically dropping my hips so that more of my weight is on my partner/opponent.
It is hard to really explain how fucking good it is for me to have people teaching me to treat my weight as an asset.