I think one thing that messes up my relation to my body in a particularly hurtful way is the queer narrative of clothes that fundamentally change the way your body looks.

I don't know if it's true for a lot of people, or only a few, but I don't think it is for me. I think one reason that I don't like "playing with gendered fashion" is that it doesn't do anything. I always look the same, just with different paint.

I once went shopping with someone specifically for the purpose of finding clothes that make me look masculine, and we didn't find anything. (Of course, there were many things that we couldn't even try, because we could not fit my hips in them.)

I often try to find clothes that, leaving gendered aspects aside, change my style, and… it doesn't happen. I always look the same.

I feel like a very cute non-unicorn donkey that is told by everyone else, who is a unicorn, how to make its mane sparkle and its horn glimmer. It just doesn't happen. My adorable floofy nose-area does not grow glitter.