Filene 🌠🌠🌠 @Filene@witches.town

@kara_dreamer
This is world-threatening news.

We need less nukes, my goodness.

This is how prostitution--turning tricks--can be the same as a witch's, because they're intending to bewitch you. You want to be under the spell of this strange merchandiser who can produce your fantasy before your eyes, enough for you to believe it's authority. Fortunetelling, dancing, or other things are what witches are forced to sell in the meantime, since we can't own our bodies & feel empowered by selling honest seduction.

Ideally, this turning of tricks isn't sex slavery, or even sex wage slavery, but realizing one's own fantasy honestly, in the same trick.

I'm drawing from an image of a seducer of myself that you'd want to be seduced by in virtue, or charm if I met myself in person as a stranger that day.
Virtues in your of problem solving, as a person, as an artist, as a communicator.

The spell is the series of symbols that express your virtues: in your expression of your physical personage and countenance; in the performance of your theater act; in the media or story you create; in the political state you enforce; in the bedroom you're making.

Bonus if you know a person/their type well enough to contour to a mutual impression.

Honesty is ideally disarming, & educational. This honest, but sincere volume of disarming, attracts because the person saying it, believes it, & believes it would be something the stranger would want to hear as an ideological authority.

Regardless of of it's right, the spell's flow--conviction & following--will determine if the person follows, even yourself wondering about your transformed self.

You would be fascinated with yourself, emerging as the person you want to be, in mundane situation to another, even as it's all part of a massive life plan.

Back to bodies

This means the person you idealise yourself currently implementing would confidently engage in x activities, but also gain an outlook on their life from its plan.

If you imagine yourself welding, did you get tools first, or research locations?

This would be a way of filling each moment with wonder about your realization of that ideal self by what that person would do for honest confidence, & attain, every moment.

To cast a spell over one's self, start with empathy to a "nobody": imagine my ideology being the stranger from another stranger's position.

In the feet of the stranger, I'm detaching my ego from my former person, merely seeing myself as my ideological robot.

As a stranger, I want honest information revealed. It is totally what we would expect someone we are attracted to, to do. Would we want to be attracted to ourselves? If not, how about meeting ourselves with an ideal ideology, or find the weakness in one we merely prescribe?

I think this experiment fuels self-wonder.

I tried going out, imagining myself a witch like Howl, just because it was nice seeing a wizard wearing a wig.

While gong outside, I had realized how empowering it is for someone to buy what you produce. To turn a trick of art, charisma, research, elocution, conversation, or charm [including sexual]. To "cast a spell" requires a logical execution of expressions or statements of authority/expertise, and to "get someone to follow you." This can essentially be through your real voice, but also a skilled craft.

Can you see how witches aren't allowed to cast physical spells?

https://witches.town/@Filene/4748683
I recently posted a thread where I went over an anxiety attack that consumed me. I needed to post about something else in my magical notes (see this thread's last latest: https://witches.town/@Filene/4427526 ), and it was related to new feelings about a witch identity in general, and my own.

I went out today and had another minor panic after being followed by an unmarked black suv. I hope these latest revelations help me, they felt coincidental to feeling so spooked.

@Doggomancer Sorry, sent prematurely; I've been daydreaming about sexy boxers. That's the brand I'd mean.

@Doggomancer I've actually been interested in starting a brand, would you share what you find with me? I imagine you'd start with gaffes, but they are definitely crammed/folded

As a result of all these thoughts, being high, and such, I was utterly dumbfounded.

It felt like an idea was so big, so radical, so far reaching, that I kept finding new ways I had miscatalogued my life, poorly told a story, and just couldn't have a new thought since I was finding out more how the thought was changing me, casting how I was understanding everything in a new light.

I was so high and so reeling from these thoughts that I could barely see the woman I had become in the mirror. I could barely notice I was sucked into anxious/pot hallucinations, but then noticed my daydreams as I tried to calm myself. I was undoing the false maleness & abuser identity, but still felt its grip in the mirror, talking me down from putting makeup on, or being feminine at all.

I guess I'm still sorting that part out, since it came after the shock of seeing my lover trust me to be a whole person underneath my disjointed self-image as a rotten louse.

@kara_dreamer A friend introduced it to her (my wusband's cis) and she identities with it. Kinda like a wife/woman husband. Not sure if anybody else can help me understand it, but it works for us. :)

But my wusband, though interested in the drama of our engagement (she inspired and is touched by my business), actually loved me unconditionally aside from the reasons we finally could entangle.

I saw her playing with our kid, and I was realizing how much of my low self value was a spell I was under but that she still loved me despite its mysterious effects upon me. That she knew I was abused and I was still coming out of shock in realizing it.

I saw myself as a "fallen noble" from the privileged "heteronormative white cis" class in a capitalistic fiefdom, after nearly 3 years being out.

At about the time my parents came in, my wusband entered my life.

I realized today how I might have been trying to make up for all the abuse my abuser projected onto me. But my abuser could successfully convince me I was an abuser not because of her talent, but because I've had this trauma lasting my whole life. Springing from my misunderstood or confusing childhood of repressing my womanhood/femininity, I was seen as creepy, invasive, gay (ha!), and worthy of alienation and rejection.
This long-term identity was coopted again and again by my abusers so long that I internalized it.

My family didn't get any of this and abused me by parenting me in bad faith. They had contempt underlying all conversations about my new life direction, transition, age, & poverty.

None of them got that it took me so long to understand why I felt helpless to stop my abuser, but empowered my education that's taught me/woke me. I see abusive doubletalk & gaslighting happening everywhere, I can consider how I had repressed so much that it was coming out from me differently in my kink, I can see why I hadn't been my authentic self for so long by being ignorant in a closet of repressions & phobias.

Now, I realize I had long been humiliated for wanting to be fucked. That I wanted the thought of being weak, or consentually being taken advantage of. But I had split "getting fucked" into matters of penetration. Ie: I didn't consider me being fucked by a pussy-owner topping/domming to be "getting fucked," unlike being anally penetrated. Being penetrated meant "being fucked"

But now I am turning the definition on its head in realizing my anal interests were shamed out of me in this debacle. NOW, I'm thinking girls with all sorts of genitals (and select other gendered folk) could fuck me..

And I missed it..?

For a long period, I identified with the "abuser" persona because I didn't think my abuser was lying. But they only put forth a caricature of a person that I kept believing despite the abuse.

And in a way, I was seeking a situation where I was a prized possession. Where people wanted to steal me--or for me to steal them. I wanted to meet a "bad girl" who would transgress my boundaries in a way that I sought, yet belittled me, my consent, and my agenda. I had no idea this play was possible consentually, but now I know it is, because a real person who transgressed boundaries can do abuse unlike any humiliation imagined.

I was so high, but had a panic attack from a thought I had:
That I was an abuser teaching abuse. It horrified, frightened, & alarmed me. This major accusation I made towards myself got me to look inside instead of run, & I realized how I felt about something.

An abusive ex, who threatened my safety when she pulled a knife on me, also committed symbolic violence before me. After I had managed to convince myself I was wrong & "the abuser" to "keep my safety", I ignored that all the sex I then "enjoyed" was nonetheless coerced.

This thought sent shockwaves.

@pointers I couldn't really get into it..