Sometimes I wonder: a lot of my life has been about choosing the harder path, always picking the thing that won't be easy and needs a lot of work and concentration. These days I ask myself how much of that was about trying to avoid accepting or even thinking about being trans. Not doing the hardest project makes everything else look easy, just like a distraction, even fun, no matter how hard.

There were a lot of good results from all these choices, but I wonder how my life would have been if I had accepted myself earlier (or even been born a cis girl): easier, harder, what choices I would have made.

But the result is good, now, this person I am.

@Eve I feel this, so hard

in my case my mental inability to concentrate (hyperfocus isn't the same thing) or do certain tasks kept frustrating me, shunting me down less 'respectable' paths of just scrambling to catch up, getting interested in new challenging projects as ways of not thinking about previous failed endeavors

that's not too unusual but I wonder how much easier it'd all have been if I had worked out the internal struggles first?

but: yes, I like the now-me.

@kelly it's such a happy thing when everything starts to align and flow freely. It's also amazing how some changes make it clear just how much of ourselves we were missing earlier in life (well I only speak for myself but I gather we are in the same boat with this 😘)